Strangled By A Halo
by ChronicallyinFlaming
Summary: FINISHED. Future Krillin/Juuhachigou. Krillin gets a chance to see what might have been, and decides to try and redeem the woman who may be his possible soul mate-unfortunately, she happens to be a psychopath who killed half of his friends in his timeline.
1. Wouldn't that be awesome?

'It was your hair that did it  
>It was your hair that lit the fuse<br>A golden brown halo  
>Like sunlight peering through trees<br>I ask you for the time, but I am asking for so much more  
>A moth to your light bulb, you made my heart beat faster<p>

Paralyze me, with your kiss  
>Wipe those dirty hands, on me<br>Maybe we're looking for the same thing  
>Maybe you're the one who will complete me<p>

Oh how beauty burns, lips and eyes and fingertips  
>The spark of desire on every point our bodies meet<br>Behind your eyes were stars, infinite and serene  
>How I would suffer for you, you fascinate and magnetize me<p>

Sometimes I think, I would float away  
>If this sadness did not weigh me down'<p>

HALO, Bloc Party

He awoke with sweat on his forehead and a scream on his mouth. Over and over again he saw blue dead eyes, a straight nose. That cold smile. The power that had come from nowhere, unexplained. Like a second sun that had erupted in the sky.

'Ah,' he'd had time to think before the blast hit him and brought no more than ten seconds of pain. 'So _these_ are the androids.'

He breathed out slowly through his mouth.

Not exactly what he'd been expected, but well. The certainly proved that they were capable of killing Piccolo, Vegeta, Yamcha, Tien, Chaotzu, and himself and Gohan. Those damn hideous monsters. Nearly as bad as Freiza. Hell, if they hadn't wiped out most of Capsule Corp, they might have had a chance to destroy other planets. Imagine, them taking up the role that Freiza and his father had and tightening a stranglehold around the universe.

Something, something that Gero would never have even thought possible. That crazy madman couldn't imagine his creation taking over an entire galaxy, he bet_. Inconceivable_. Yeah.

Krillin rolled over in his tiny cot. What had Gero even thought he was accomplishing with releasing those monsters onto the Earth? But, what was the point of getting so worked up when there was nothing he could do whatsoever to help?

He looked at the pink sky hovering above. _Absolutely nothing._

* * *

><p>The last time he'd died, and the time before that, he couldn't quite remember this place. He supposed he'd been here, since certainly he hadn't been sent to hell. Heroes of the Earth who had had lost and sacrificed so much trying to protect it usually got to go to heaven. Even Vegeta was here, sparring with Goku or just walking around with his jaw silently going up and down as he chewed on his rage.<p>

No direct memories were kept though; he mostly remembered waiting, floating, sleeping.

Which was a shame, since it's lovely here, and he's more peaceful in this place than he could ever remember being on earth. When he'd been alive.

And best of all, now the cigar smoke no longer bothered him when they play poker.

Of course, they have far less to bet as well. How can you bet money you completely don't have and items that are literally meaningless. "I bet my left shoe." And then you could just materialize it back again. Plus there was an entire building here outfitted to holding clothes that they requested.

But it broke up the monotony of the day. Which was important. At least once a week they'd pull out the cards and brought out all memories and grudges. In time, they all knew they'd grow sick of this game and have to move onto something new. But for now, it still had a feeling of novelty.

This one game though, there was a change. Not a huge one, no one grew, say, an extra head. But one he'd never experienced. Or anyone else for that matter, as far as Krillin knew.

For the first time ever, he beat Baba.

They all looked at the fallen cards for a long time, expected them to change or turn to smoke and disappear.

"Alright," the ancient woman said slowly, after five minutes of solid silence. "You get my crystal ball. For a week."

"For once, luck was with you." Yamcha patted him on the back. The others start to stand up, making their way out of the sunny field that somehow could still give you a sunburn and into the cool shade of the buildings nearby. They'd all thought the stand-off would never end, and wow, Krillin actually _won_, do you think there's any ice cream in the mess hall, or did Goku manage to eat it all, again?

"What are you going to look at," Tien asked. But he stretched leisurely and kept two of his eyes on Chiaotzu, who was mentioning something to Lunch about opening a bar here in heaven, one that actually served alcohol.

"Dunno." Krillin looked deep into the grey swirling depths. Thankfully, nothing embarrassing or disturbing appeared.

His friends all headed inside while he stared mesmerized into his prize.

Baba was the only one left, and kept a wary eye on her beloved crystal. "Want to take a peek at the other you? The one in the other timeline where the androids didn't kill everyone?" She offered.

Krillin paused, for a brief second. There was the slightest warning, something along the lines of 'be careful what you wish for,' but his curiosity bowls that right over. He imagined himself living it up in some house in the country, with maybe a wife. Wouldn't that be awesome? A kid or two maybe, a white picket fence and a freshly mowed lawn, a dog chasing a ball.

Or training somewhere. Still a bachelor, unhappy, and living at Kame house.

The possibilities were both exciting, and horribly depressing. Tears were more than likely to be shed.

Of course he had to look.

He didn't even pay any attention to what Baba mumbled to get the glass to work.

It took a second for him to recognize himself. He wasn't wearing a gi, and his clothes were new and nondescript. There was a happiness to him, a joy, while he sat in the dark sand. This Krillin looked out onto the ocean, and just watched the waves come nearer to the shore, and himself.

"Hey, grew my hair out. Still at Kame House. Not a huge surprise."

There was a childish scream followed by the sound of tiny footsteps. An adorable, noseless blonde toddler ran out onto the porch. Her face was pink and stained with chocolate, and her large dark eyes were startlingly familiar. The Alterna-Krillin was grinning at her, laughing and scooping her up when she ran at his squealing.

When she nearly kicked him in the face, Krillin felt like weeping.

"Is, is that…Is that my kid? I have a daughter? That lucky son of a bitch.

"She's adorable! 'Marron'? That's her name? Like my ex? But, she doesn't look like her at all.

"But then, why is that her name? Why would I name my kid that?

"But there's no way. The kid's _blonde_."

There was the sound of low laughter that, despite the fact that he didn't immediately recognize it consciously, sent a shiver up his spine. A shadow fell across the porch. Like a punch to the gut, Krillin nearly fell over.

"Is that, is that." He wanted to throw up. "_Her_?"

You could already imagine bloody flying in red droplets through the air to dry on warm sand.

The android stepped out of the small pink house. She looked irritated, and Krillin's mouth went dry. Her clothes casual, a dark blue shirt that reminds him of his past and current 'life,' and hung off her slim frame. Dark jeans, sneakers, black socks. She could have been anyone. She could have been human.

He'd never actually seen her so close until now. But he knew that face, her voice. Krillin had heard enough about her from his friends and the countless other people who are brought here. _Young_, they would whisper, voice cracking as though she might be listening nearby, _a teenager_. _Beautiful. Horrible. Hideous. A demon. Monster._

_Blonde. _

Besides, her face is literally a twin to the man who killed him.

It had been a long time since he could see or imagine any beauty in her that Juunanagou made handsome, but now Krillin can see it again. This version matched the other one perhaps even more perfectly than Krillin and his alternative version. The same pale eyes and hair and skin, the careless grace and youthful clothes.

There was a spot on her face, on her cheek and she wiped it away distracted. Although he knews that it's too dark, he thought for a second it was blood.

The oddest look crosses that terrible icy face. It's a soft look of amusement that only scares this Krillin more. _What is she planning? _

Even as the other version of him smiles back and his child grins and coos against her father's shirt.

The sound of his voice made Krillin jump. "Hey, I see the cake's coming along."

Her teeth are white and bared slowly. "Slowly, yes."

The other Krillin moved closer, saying something softly to his daughter and Juuhachigou is stepping into the sand, still smiling.

The scream came out, unheard by the people he's watching. "Oh my god, run, run! She's going to kil-_hug you_?"

The android ruffled his hair, tugging at it without malice. He rolled his eyes and set the baby down. While the dark-haired man watched Maron run back inside, she ate him alive with her eyes. It was predatory, the look, as she sized him up and not being disgusted with what she'd found. Which made Krillin feel ill.

Had it been any other woman, he would have been nothing but a ball of envy. Pretty girl checking him out, for once. Would have killed for that chance to get someone who looked like that to give him a second look. Maybe he should have regrown his hair, years ago?

But for this guy, Krillin could only shake his head and mentally tell the guy to run away.

_Oh, you poor bastard. You don't even realize, do you?_

The other Krillin noticed after his 'twin' did, turning and smirking when he caught her. There was a…what was that? It wasn't anger; this was too flustered. But there was color rising to Juuhachigou's face.

_You sick bastard. _

_You know exactly she wants._

The still-breathing man gives her an exaggerated, good-natured look over her. He said something to her, something clever and self-assured, but Krillin can't hear it from the blood rushing in his ears. Her face became pinker, and this version of the android's eyes was not ice.

For the first time since watching, Krillin almost felt like a voyeur. _I shouldn't…I shouldn't be watching this. I never should have._

Another thing in a low voice, and she shrugs awkwardly, graceless and vulnerable, and stretched out a hand to him. They smile at each other, and the dead man can see a flash of gold on their fingers.Krillin, alive and down there and literally another universe away, took her hand and lead the android inside.

"Oh."

"_Oh_."

Then the tears finally came.


	2. This is a different tin can

A/N: Thanks for the reviews/adds to favorites/story alerts. A few things: I plan on five chapters for the story, the white picket fence line was used in at least Grape Soda and Magnets, and I'm going to be doing my best to keep this Juuhachigou presented as extra homicidal to highlight what an evil sociopath she is.

~~~Stay Tuned~~~

* * *

><p>The next time that i caught my own reflection it was on its way to meet you,<br>Thinking of excuses to postpone.  
>You never look like yourself from the side,<br>But your profile does not hide the fact you knew i was approaching your throne.

With folded arms you walked aside the bench like toothache,  
>Saw them puff your chest out like you'd never lost a war,<br>And though i tried not to talk for the indignity of a reaction,  
>There was not cracks to grasp, or gaps to claw.<p>

Crying Lightening, Arctic Monkeys

* * *

><p>He'd thought he'd left stuttering behind with functioning organs below. "Is she, is she still android?"<p>

Baba nodded slowly.

"_What happened_!" Krillin's arms flayed about dramatically. "She was a murderer right? Only they stopped her? They didn't kill her? And more importantly, how did_ I_ _marry_ _her_?" Was it the fact that he'd married her, or the other way around that was more disturbing? Who proposed to whom? Who asked whom out? Was it a mutual amnesia that had also stricken her blind? How had she had a baby? There was no way that child had been adopted.

"I'm not sure." She reached out for her crystal ball. "How about you hand that over."

"Nope. Got it for a week."

Then he ran away with it and hid in the bathroom of the arcade. Since the Sky Fighter game is down, again, he ended up turning it back on and watching them watch TV. When they were boring and doing stuff like folding laundry, he read the poetry written on the walls. That and napped, the flush handle digging into his spine. He could take three hours of this, before the shooting debilitating pains in his legs made him crumble to the clean tile in a huddled ball. Despite what Goku and King Yemma claimed, you really couldn't get a good nap sitting on a toilet.

It was probably what being in a normal high school would have been like. But with less homework and chances to embarrass yourself in front of girls.

…Though, they still sometimes had dances that just about everyone but him and Goku and a few other warriors would attend. They fell into two groups: ones either self-conscious fighters who had no manly pride left to betray, or those were so sure of themselves that they didn't care if someone saw them dancing, since what was wrong with that anyway? Goku definitely fell into the second, and Krillin into the first. All their friends would refuse to talk to them when they'd come back, flushed and sweaty as though from a good workout, and Vegeta would literally unable to even look at them. And any girls there would just shake their heads over the two.

These things all came back to him as he sat there and looked on, reevaluating his own time spent on Earth. Thinking things over, and plotting. For the next three days, Krillin couldn't resist taking another look at odd times, no matter how it was slowly, consciously driving him insane.

Them, taking turns reading part of a book before tucking their daughter into bed. Him reading on the easy chair, then Juuhachigou looking over his shoulder, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before moving away when she grew bored. Eating dinner and feeding the baby together, their smiles over their plates whenever Maron smiles and coos. Fighting over what to watch on TV, and then it slowly turning into a wrestling match that spills popcorn onto the couch, then a chance to try and pin one another.

He had always thought that going crazy spared you from the knowledge that you were in fact going insane. That it would protect you, and cushion you from the fact that you were losing your mind. Naïve. He'd been so naïve. Krillin had to turn away.

_You son of a bitch._

_Me, you lucky bastard._

It was odd feeling envy for a man that looked exactly like him except for the hair. It was him, almost, but in a different time. One with different chances and opportunities.

When they spar out on the beach, Krillin can see_ her_ again, the demon, but then it's gone after she'd knocked him into the sand. She teased him, but then given him a hand back up. Juuhachigou poked at him after applying the bandages, a greedy, admiring look on her face. The other Krillin squirmed and joked, and maybe he can't see the light in her eyes when the blonde android stared at him.

It wasn't manipulative, there is no cruel game here; it was grateful. 'Thank you.' It made this Krillin's skin crawl.

When that Krillin was asleep and she'd be awake, she would lay there in bed and simply look at him. Sometimes, resting against him with her eyes opened like a cat, or sitting up to touch his hair and neck. Krillin couldn't read her face, but if it was coming from someone else it would be affection. She never hurt him outside of sparring, and from what Krillin could tell, she would kill herself before she put a finger on that little girl.

Once Maron had fallen and skinned her knee, and the android had been more upset than the girl as she put a Band-Aid and antiseptic on the wound. She'd actually had tears welling in her eyes, while Maron cooed and asked for a hug.

It was decided then.

He went to the others.

They were, understandably, _appalled_. Even as he held up to show them the globe and an image of himself and Juuhachigou. They are being they're usual adorable selves, talking to the baby and trying to teach her the ABCs, and Krillin was nearly proud of them. Thank god they weren't fighting or yelling at each other.

Once he'd taken a break from working out only to turn on the globe and find them in the midst of an argument. Over what exactly he didn't know, but it had the air of one thing snowballing into another. They might have been arguing over the color of the couch, but really it was about many other things. She didn't clean a plate, he forgot to fix the dripping sink, she needed to change more diapers, he needed to cook more, blah blah blah.

Amazingly, it's Juuhachigou that sleep on the old badly colored couch (that Juuhachigou hated and complained about until even _this _Krillin right here was ready to toss the thing out to sea). But then the other Krillin makes breakfast to make up, and everything was okay by midmorning. In the evening, they'd put the kid to bed and were soon making up. And causing the other Krillin to flush and hurry to turn the globe off—he'd nearly choked on his takeout Chinese food and had gotten serious stares from the other patrons of the cafeteria the first time they'd done that. Having to yell at the other fighter that he 'could not control what was showed' was not an experience he wanted to go through ago.

Really, they needed to warn people before they just threw themselves at each other like that-it was unsettling and inconsiderate. As were the smirks they exchanged the following morning that made Krillin roll his eyes over.

But now, there were dressed and it was possible to stare at them straight on rather than covering your eyes and desperate trying to shut it off with the other. Which, sadly, was difficult to do and involved slapping and pleading with the globe to turn off and leaving handprints all over the glass.

"Is this a joke?"

"So. This is the other timeline where the androids were…able to be defeated? Turned to our side?"

"But, no. No. That can't be…_her_."

"Oh yes, yes it is. Look at their hands, people."

"_Rings_?"

"Holy shit, is that your kid?"

"Oh, yeah," Krillin responded casually, a kid, no big thing. "Marron."

"Why did you name her that?"

"Who knows why I do anything? This guy drinks grape soda by the gallon, so he's a little weirder than I am."

"Yeah, but he's not the one wanting to hook up with a homicidal android. I guess. Is she evil there? I don't know _what _the hell's going on in the timeline."

"Yeah," Chiaotzu piped in, "Maybe Tien has four eyes there."

"And you are tall."

"And Yamcha actually does well with woman, outside of his delusion."

"_Hey_."

Vegeta, after dying, was more willing to join in on their human games. He was even smiling as they made fun of each other, so long as they didn't say anything about him. "Maybe Kakarrot's smart?"

They all looked at Goku, who was playing with a few younger children in the field.

Right as they look at him, he falls for the spot-on-the-shirt trick and is left clutching his nose. The kids point out another imaginary spot, and his nose became bloody. "No, really, there's a spot there now." The children all laugh, too young to understand how sad it is for a grown man to fall earnestly for that trick.

On the other hand, Vegeta nearly busts a gut, so maybe the kids are just all assholes?

"Maybe not."

"But if Krillin can hook up with a girl, one who's a psychopathic android and have a kid, who knows what the possibilities are."

They thought on that for a moment, before Piccolo spoke up behind them and makes them jump like schoolchildren. "But that's not why you're here, are you Krillin?"

"What do you mean?" The bald fighter rubbed at the back of his head nervously. Something that his alternative self did as well. Only he had thick, almost _luxurious_ hair to run his fingers through.

Piccolo's arms were crossed, disappointed. He had expected so much more from the short human they all mocked. "You want to meet her, don't you? The android?"

The group turned on him. "Just because-"

"She killed like _half_ of us, and you want to go_ flirt_ with her?"

"You're despicable."

"Baldy," Vegeta laid down the truth. "She may be married to you, but that is in another universe. This is a _different_ tin can."

"Yes, but doesn't this prove that she can be good, that she has a chance of redemption?"

"No, not particularly."

"Sorry man."

"Vegeta's right."

The Saiyan Prince looked haughty. Then it turned into his usual rage. "You've had that crystal ball this _entire time_?"

Again, the tide turned against him. "How long have you been watching them Krillin?"

"That can't be healthy."

Another disadvantage to being dead is, you can't move on and live your life. Every tiny thing is scrutinized because, after all, you had time to do so. For all its peace here, people bicker. Nothing is lived down. This gossip will keep them going for another five years, easy.

"What have you been watching them do?"

The blue lit globe took on a seedy look. Everyone imagined bedroom scenes being watched with a lecherous eye, baths and showers being spied on, and they moved a small step back and looked disgusted. The grubby prints from his hands were particularly damning.

"No, nothing like that." His cheeks turn pink. "I don't watch _that_."

"Do they," the ex-bandit gulped. "Do they _do _that?"

"Where the hell do you think the kid came from?"

Yamcha made an outraged sound, trying not to heave.

Then Vegeta is snatching the crystal away, proving that Krillin couldn't escape the Saiyan tearing away large balls with mystical powers from him. "How does this stupid thing work?"

"When you wish upon a star…" Krillin said in a sing-song voice.

He gave the shorter man an angry, uncomprehending look. Krillin sighed, wishing his comic genius wasn't wasted on this guy. Juuhachigou in that timeline probably thought he was _hilarious_. "Just concentrate."

Unsurprisingly, Bulma appeared. The others gave him smug looks; what a softie. She's holding a young child with one hand, a phone in the other. When someone says something disagreeable, the scientist dropped the purple-haired boy to focus on screaming into the receiver. Just when he hit the ground, it occurred to her what she'd done, and she scooped him up and turned the sobs into delighted giggles.

"Hey, you're okay! You're _okay Trunks_! And as for you-" She began yelling into the phone again.

Goku chose that moment to pop up, and to stick his face into the crystal. "Is that Bulma?"

Vegeta swiped at him. "Get away!"

"That's so cool, lemme give it a try." Then the orange-clad man grabbed the ball away, proving that Goku will always irritate Vegeta, even when there is no actually blood to be boiled.

He shook it. A pink tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth. "Let's see, Chi-Chi!"

Gohan wandered over, hearing the brief argument. "Mom? What's going on, is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine, I think she's back at home. We're checking to make sure your _other_ mom is okay." Goku waved an encouraging hand at his son.

The young man stood there, thought about it, and muttered mostly to himself. "Forget it, just go and get another smoothie." Then he walked back towards the buildings, his footsteps heavy. It still took some getting used to, this big grim Gohan. Routinely, he would appeal to King Yemma to get sent back to earth to help Trunks, and routinely would be turned down.

The dark-haired woman appeared, yelling at a cowering, young Gohan. Her stomach is swollen, and everyone went 'whoa.'

"Another one."

"Go, Goku."

"Shucks you guys, it wasn't even me." His smile left his face. "What are you guys talking about anyway? Is it that fish on the wall? Because that thing is amazingly big."

Then Chi-Chi was swatting at her son with a book before dissolving into tears. "_This is all Goku's fault!"_ she wailed. She hit him again with a book and collapses on the couch. "Go make your mother a cup of tea, Gohan."

Krillin was smug. "My Alterna-wife is an awesome mom."

"And your 'current' wife is in hell."

"You don't know that."

Vegeta grabbed the globe and shook it. "Baldy's crazy robotic wife in this timeline that killed half of us, Baldy's crazy robotic wife in this time that killed half of us."

Nothing appeared.

"See."

"He's not married in this timeline," Tien corrected.

Goku pulled the crystal ball out of the older man's hands. "Let me try, Krillin's crazy robot _girlfriend_ in this timeline!"

The glass remained a cloudy uninterested blue-gray.

"Hey," Yamcha patted him on the back. "You know what a girlfriend is? And a timeline? Good for you."

"They never dated," Chiaotzu added.

Krillin sighed. "Hand it over."

Goku did.

He shook it. "Come on, show me my crazy robot crush who is currently unromantically involved with me. " Krillin paused. "That killed half of us. In this timeline."

The grey clouds started to shift to something solid.

"Oh shit," Krillin muttered.

A blonde woman appeared, surely no older than her early twenties. Her boredom, emphasized with tapping a booted foot on a wood floor they're all familiar with, only emphasizes her youth. As with the craziness, Krillin was aware of his staring mesmerized. Eating her up with his own eyes, as the other Juuhachigou had done. She was perfect, the loveliest woman he'd ever known or even seen, and about to be damned.

"Oh god," Yamcha's voice was thick with grief. There's a low hiss from the others. "That's her."

Beside 'her' was the twin who Krillin was familiar with, dark-haired, tan and handsome, and his murderer. That scarf had given him nightmares for the first years he'd been here, when he would decide to sleep. They'd gone away, but seeing him again brought all of that right back up.

Krillin thought of his afternoon naps and decided 'eh, maybe another year.'

"They look exactly the same." The three-eyed man's tone is grim.

"Okay," Unnerved, the scar-faced bandit started to shake the crystal ball. "You saw her, she's still crazy and evil, let's move on. Come on you guys, how about we look at some puppies or something."

"They're about to be judged!"

"We can catch that any old time on the Court channel at the rec center. Don't you guys want to look at a version of your wives abusing your kids?"

"No, let's what them being judged." Goku grabbed the globe and held it at a height they can all see. "This screen is better than the one at the rec anyway."

A huge roll of paper was still a decent size in the giant's hands as he read off the list. Juunanagou yawned, and Juuhachigou scratched an arm.

"We know, we get it. Can we go now?"

"Go where? Where do you think _you two are going_?"

"To hell I guess." Now it was Juuhachigou's turn to yawn.

"So, almost hell," Tien said.

"Close enough," Goku nodded.

Krillin turned and began running for the building. The others watched him go, but did nothing to stop him. Instead, they looked into the crystal ball.

Vegeta muttered, "I can't believe they killed all of us."

"Not me."

"No." the smaller Saiyan's voice said, sneeringly. "A _disease _got you."

Goku's voice was low and mostly directed to himself. "Better than a guy in a scarf."

"Hey, I wonder if we get cable on this thing."

Eagerly, they change the channel.

"Oh god, _change it back_!"

"Why is it only golf channels that comes in?"

"That's worse than the stuff they show up here."

"I don't know; what about that week when they gave Goku his own channel?" The group continued bickering good-natured over what station was worse.

"Goku's!"

"Master Roshi's!"

"What about Vegeta's?"

While on the crystal ball, unnoticed, Krillin burst into the building.

Thankfully, his lungs are mostly just aesthetic and unnecessary. He had to remind himself that his heart couldn't burst when he was dead. Right, right? In a dramatic movie, they would have gasped at his entrance. Instead, he was given an irritated look.

The best he got was from Juunanagou, who gave him a double-look.

"Alright there, baldy?" the dark-haired man nodded to him, as though they were passing on the street.

Krillin managed not to vomit at the sight of him. Although, now a (another) problem presents itself. How can he offer redemption to one, but not the other? He can't. No matter how much the darker twin made his skin go cold, if he gives Juuhachigou another chance, Juunanagou must get one too. Helping his own murderer. No wonder Piccolo was so disappointed in him.

"Do you have to send them to hell?"

"What?"

The list went right out of the door.

"But, can't they get a chance to redeem themselves?"

"Why would we want that, shrimp?" He couldn't quite look at Juuhachigou in the face; instead he looked at her boots. They were nice boots. There was that at least: an appreciation for her footwear. If only she could care for others as much as she did her clothes, everything would be fine.

…unless she got it into her mind to start skinning people and wearing them.

"Are you kidding? A chance to knock Gero's head off his shoulders all day long? _That_ is heaven." Juunanagou smirked _through _him. Laughing at someone who wasn't there. Maybe just making fun of simply basic human decency.

"But, the lakes of blood, the stupid guards, being surrounded by evil all day…"

"Eh." They shrugged together.

"The sweatpants, and tank tops, the Lycra the guards wear. It's very bad. The terrible lighting. The races you have to run." He looked up at them, earnest and more scared than he had been in the last ten or so years.

The mechanically enhanced twins glanced at each other. An unspoken argument occurred. Synchronized, they turned back to him.

"We're listening."

Juuhachigou shrugged. "Okay, sure, whatever."

"I never said that," King Yemmaroared behind his desk. "You think we just hand out chances of redemption? Do you have any idea how many people they killed? How much paperwork I had to fill out? How many lives they ruined?"

The two shrug again.

They were like teenagers, Krillin realized. Kill a couple billion people, okay, sure, whatever. Get a chance of redemption to save them from an eternity of hell, okay, sure, whatever. Bored kids. But maybe that just meant that they didn't know any better.

"Why did you kill all those people?"

"Because they were human." She answered, face twisting in disgust. She was remembering who this short, pathetic bald guy was. The other Juuhachigou never wore such an expression except when she found an old dirty magazine under the couch. "Why wouldn't we want to wipe that pathetic ball of mud clean?"

Krillin wanted to turn the crystal ball on and shove it into her face. "Because it would make your _daughter _sad." With his luck, it would show the other Krillin and Juuhachigou fooling around on the couch.

On the other hand, it wasn't like she could kill him. But then, that just gave them a chance to hurt him for even longer. His heart might not be capable of bursting, but Juuhachigou could probably yank it out.

It might just be safer to keep the other timeline close to his chest. It was a wild card he was wary of pulling out. She might reconsider her position on things, or go crazy and torture him. No way of knowing.

"There's absolutely no reason why these two should have a chance to redeem themselves. They don't even feel bad for what they've done, let alone regret it."

Krillin stared at them, gimme a chance here guys. The twins shrugged.

"They have to feel bad. A little."

Juuhachigou shrugged again. "I regret not being the one to kill you."

"I wish I had killed _more_ people. Wiped out the whole species."

"That purple-haired kid. We should have killed him a long time ago."

"That's what we get for playing around too long."

"Well," her voice was dry. "We won't make that mistake again."

"No," King Yemma growled. "You won't."

The short fighter stared into the swirling now grey ball. There had to be something here, maybe of them being small, of being human. He had just enough sense not to shake the crystal and say what he was thinking aloud. _Come on, show them being like kids. Like real, non-homicidal kids, regular teenagers. Just regular teenagers, doing what teenagers do._ To his horror, nothing appeared.

At first.

Then an image began to form, slowly rising from the fog.

"See, they can be normal."

It focused first on Juuhachigou, her face frowning in concentration, then panned out to show her in jeans, a t-shirt. Sock and black shoes in a pile before her. They rested on a familiar blue shirt, as well next to a pair of blue sneakers and a pair of green socks. Wine bottles, unopened for the most part, littered the area like small missiles. She put her cards face first onto the floor. "Okay, your turn."

"It's just." His retarded, horribly stupid and weird counterpart glanced behind him at the door, nervous. "I know the door's locked, but still."

The dead Krillin wanted to rip the short, growing hair out of his scalp.

"Just go."

"Fine." The other Krillin laid out his cards. "Absolutely garbage."

"Hah!" Juunanagou laughed and threw his marginally better cards onto the floor. Krillin remembered that white rug in his room perfectly. It was like turning on one of Master Roshi's favorite channels, and discovering that the room that was being used to film the movie was_ his_, and his friends had rented it out without a care. Right there, all this sick wrongness, on his rug. "Take a sip then, both of you."

"Whatever." Juuhachigou stripped off her gloves and threw them at her brother, who gleefully scooped up his winnings.

"Awesome. I can't wait until I get the whole outfit." An blue-white glance was shot at Krillin, who sighed and took off his boots.

"My gi won't fit you anyway."

"But the novelty of it, buddy, the novelty." Juunanagou grabbed his shoulder and shook the small man. "Now, let's see if I can't win those pants of yours."

A horrible silence descended.

"What was that?" The blonde woman's voice was an equal mixture of rage and confusion.

"Uh, you." Her eyes were icy fire, burning and freezing him. "In a different timeline."

The darker twin eyed Krillin. "Why would I want your pants?"

"Let's try this again." This time, Krillin shook the damn crystal ball. _Come on, come on, nothing weird this time. Oh please, don't show the aftermath of the poker game. Just a peaceful afternoon. _

"You know," Juunanagou was squinting. "You can kind of see the reflection of that thing on your head."

Juuhachigou tilted her head. "Huh."

He wondered then if they could see the pink van that zoomed across the ball on his forehead. It moved with surprising grace across the landscape. When it flew past, the ex-monk caught sight of a different android in the back. Clad in a skintight black leotard and bright green armor, he had a small, peaceful smile on his long, roughly carved face. Passionless, electric blue eyes matched the pair in the front seat. His ridiculous Mohawk fluttered in the breeze.

_Please_, he prayed to an uncaring deity, _please really don't show another strip poker game._

Thankfully, they were moving too quickly for a game of cards. Instead, the crystal focused on Juuhachigou, dressed absurdly in western wear, threatening to shove a tasseled boot up her brother's ass.

The dark-haired man dodged another kick. "Calm down."

"Just get me to another shop, or someone's home. _Anything's_ better to wear than this."

"Really? What about some of the stuff Gero was trying to make us wear."

Juuhachigou paused. "Alright. That was worse. But still. Look at these shoulder pads."

"We'll find Goku, and kill him. Then you can get some new clothes."

"No. We need to stop now. _Now, Juunanagou."_

The other, new android smiled pleasantly vacantly at a bird flying low and near to his window. He was humming while the others in front argued over whether or not to stop now and which boot would soon go flying up Juunanagou's ass.

"Did you know that guy?" Krillin asked.

"Nope."

"Hey," He looked at the overlord. "They didn't kill Goku though, right? In that timeline."

"Nope."

"See!"

"Another one of Gero's creations did."

Krillin stared at the crystal, watching Juuhachigou threaten her brother in increasingly creative ways. He held the smooth globe in his hands, and shook it as hard as he could. "Something nice, something nice and normal and sweet and caring. How about something to do with the baby?"

The blonde woman only ten feet away, a single bound for her, sounded sick and furious. Her face was demonic, big hideous eyes and sharp teeth. Krillin nearly swallowed his tongue and fell over. Wanted to curl up into a ball and cower. Swallow his tongue before she could murder him in a more painful manner. "What baby? _**What baby**_?"

A giggling chubby ball of joy looked at them through the crystal ball. Then, as he heard Juunanagou's throat click and his sister's teeth grind, he wished that the child looked less than totally clearly his and Juuhachigou's. But with that pale yellow hair and wide black eyes, topped with the lack of nose, and there could be no mistake. She was giggling, and Krillin wished that since he would never so much as hold that child, the sound of her delight didn't make him want to pull a face and coo at the infant through the glass. Even with the searing ball of hatred so close to him, his daughter, or rather, that other Krillin's daughter, always made him want to smile.

Behind him, Krillin could actually _hear_ the blonde cyborg seething. Her face was pale with rage and he wasn't sure if it was good or bad she looked so disgusted. He also wished that he wasn't so close to them. Juuhachigou's mouth was even drained of color.

"Well. So you mated with cue ball here and had a kid. Congrats! Sorry I missed the wedding."

Her words were black iron. "Shut up."

Juuhachigou scooped the baby out of the crib, firing off instructions to her twin brother. Krillin was shifting his weight from one foot to the other, anxious. He was pulling on a jacket, and hurriedly handing another to his wife. _Come on come on,_ you could nearly hear him saying over and over again in his mind.

Carefully, she deposited her baby into the dark-haired man's arms. Maron was looking up at her uncle, with an expression that said clearly 'who the hell are you'. Juunanagou flinched. His smile was nervous and his eyes darted to her parent's. "And _how_ long did you say you would be gone?"

"Just a few hours."

"She'll probably sleep through until we get back."

The other Krillin and Juuhachigou were barely holding back smirks.

"Well, alright. I guess I can watch her."

They fled out the door.

Juunanagou was staring solemnly back at the girl. "They're not coming back, are they?" Through the window behind him, Krillin and Juuhachigou were giving each other high-fives before flying away. Their smiles were as bright as the sun.

The baby was reaching out and grabbing a hunk of her uncle's hair. When, carefully, he extracted the dark strands from her tiny fists, Maron began to weep.

"Are you hungry?

"Sleepy?

"You don't need a new diaper, do you?

"I should have taken notes on what Juuhachigou said.

"Please tell me you don't need a new diaper.

He dangled his hair in front of her face. "It's okay; go ahead and pull.

"Just don't need another diaper."

But of course she did.

"Is that really us?" The androids just stared at the globe, looking blank and empty. Perhaps, perhaps ready to be filled with decency and empathy. Ready to turn over another leaf, as Vegeta had been after being defeated after Freiza, and how he'd sacrificed himself to give his family time. And hadn't the Saiyan prince killed so many more than these two? Confidence, always a flickering thing for Krillin, came rushing back.

"This is disgusting."

"Well, it's not like she can change her own diaper." The small fighter had to defend her; she was his daughter in another universe, after all. The child he'd never had.

The overseer of the otherworld stared at them all. His voice was gravel. "What is _wrong _with you all?"


	3. Like a Fish

Give me back my heart tonight  
>I'm sick of never smiling cause you're so uptight<br>Cause we know its not alright  
>When neither one of us is putting up a fight<p>

Little Razorblade, The Pink Spiders

'Here we are now, entertain us,'

Smells Like Teen Spirit, Nirvana

* * *

><p>"Just because they don't have powers doesn't mean they are good people, Krillin."<p>

"It's okay. Really. They don't have any powers—"

"_What_?"

"_What do you mean_?"

"-So they _can't_ hurt anyone."

"I suppose." King Yemma stroked his beard. With Krillin's big pleading eyes on him, he wilted like a dying flower. He winced and nudged his chair away from the much smaller human. The hugely bearded man had to tug at a tie.

Such was the power of Krillin's big pleading eyes.

"What do you mean _we don't have any powers_?"

"Just make sure to keep an eye on them."

"Of course I will."

"Oh my god, he's _right._ I can't use any ki."

He beamed at Yemma, and the huge giant seemed to pull himself back together.

"What is this? How is this possible?"

"You can't use any powers because you're dead, and only your mortal body had those enhancements Gero equipped you with." The giant troll sounded bored.

"That's insane. So now we're powerless?" Juuhachigou's fists were balled, and Krillin doubted that she could really not do any damage with them. At the least those fingernails could probably claw the eyes out of his head-she would find a way. Just like how the other Juuhachigou would get the TV working with a soft whack to the screen. How everyone would cheer when she would do that, and how they'd call her over for her expertise at the first signs of fuzziness.

"Basically, yes. It's for your own good."

The blonde girl looked ready to climb Yemma desk and show him what she felt was best for _him_, and her brother looked ready to join her. They had always enjoyed murdering and torturing together. "Do you think so?"

* * *

><p>Krillin pointed to the tall white obelisks, one by one. Against the pinkish sky the color of gums, they resembled long misshaped teeth. "And <em>that's<em> the smoothie bar."

Fighters passed them on the stone pathway, giving sneering looks at the two, smallish twins. They received harsher looked in return.

In their casual, very youthful clothes that were somehow unmistakably from Earth, and with their slim bodies and unlined kittenish faces they looked nothing like the other fighters. Everyone must have wondered what they were doing up here, and sometimes so did Krillin. His back kept breaking out in a cold sweat, and he was having periodic flashbacks of being murdered by Juunanagou ever few minutes. Just looking at the other man made this world slip away and that dirty, painfully muddy gray of the Earth they'd tried their best to kill come back.

"And_ that's_ the hot springs."

Juuhachigou gave him a murderous glare. She was also not helping the situation any. Krillin had to keep having to remind himself that this wasn't the good-Juuhachigou, but the evil-hopefully-soon-to-be-redeemed Juuhachigou. Who, regardless, looked similar enough to her brother to bring forth all those nightmares that had already been stirred up.

He peeled his t-shirt away from his back, clearing his throat. "And there's the pool."

It was rather anticlimactic, their meeting. He'd thought there would be more discomfort from Juunanagou, who'd murdered him. Some more considering looks from Juuhachigou she absorbed that in other timeline she'd married and procreated with the man before her. Something like, 'hmm, maybe he's not so bad. Is it possible that I'm secretly attracted to someone like him? Could I really care for someone like him?'

Something like…what he'd thought. Then they could have a connection of reluctantly attraction and questioning of their own taste and wonder what the other was thinking, all the time, what went through that head. What would such an evil being think about? Did she ever wonder mundane things, like if her shoelace was untied? Did she ever have any deep complex thoughts towards what she did and why she did them? Like, say, 'Why destroy everyone?' only to answer with 'Why not?' The power and the inclination, and that's all that was necessary.

Or was it all programming beneath the pale skin and blue eyes? A mixture of numbers like Bulma's work, that ordered her to destroy people.

Which was better?

"I can't believe this is supposed to be heaven. I wasn't expecting winged angels, but something more. You know, a harp or two."

"It is very disappointing." Juuhachigou sneered at a passing fighter that had to outweigh her by at least two hundred pounds. Krillin did his best not to gape at the long legs incased in black tights. There really weren't many women up here. And the ones that were fighters definitely didn't look like Juuhachigou. No one looked like her, with the dark eyelashes and gold eyebrows and white-blonde hair.

...Except for_ him_. Oh god. Those dead eyes. How he could only look bored or amused, and either involved killing people. Probably killed billions of humans. How he'd simply smirked and reached out with a pink palmed hand toward Krillin, a ball of light glowing, that horribly now you could sense ki radiating from him. Like looking down the barrel of a gun, his smirking face was. When it hit, the pain lasted a lot longer than you'd expect and seemed to continue on, even after he was dead.

Juunanagou's gaze fell upon with him with the same inescapable weight and speed as when a piece of one of a building fell on him during a sparring session. When he asked himself, _why, why am I doing this_, there was no answer. Only a crippling fear that Juunanagou was marking the spot on his neck where his hand would go through. He tried to explain, feeling his usual anxiety and defensiveness. "This is just where the fighters are kept."

He was glad he'd given the crystal ball back to a nonplussed Baba waiting by the gates of Yemma's office, after Juuhachigou had threatened to crack it on his skull. It would have slid from his slippery fingers and probably showing the other Krillin and Juuhachigou doing something particularly deviant before shattering into a hundred pieces.

"Look at that guy's toga."

"On the bright side," Krillin told Juuhachigou, "You get a second chance."

Her sneer was as good as Vegeta's. Oh god, Vegeta would be so pissed to see them here. He might kill Krillin just on the principal of it, before these two did. "Oh, goody."

"You have to admit, sis, the halos aren't too bad." Juunanagou kept trying to readjust his. "I guess playing strip poker with you gets you into heaven."

"Makes sense."

"_Hey_." His emotions still ranged from fear to anger to terror, but occasionally indignity would rise as well. Like rotting meat rising to the surface of a greasy stew. Mostly near Juuhachigou, whom he would seem to confuse with the different version of her, and expect something more than scorn. But still it was better than Juunanagou's smiles. The back of his shirt and gi were soaked.

"So, what do we do? Do we go down to earth, save a hundred souls, then we get to-" They passed a bickering Yamcha and Tien.

"No, it was way worse when Roshi had his own channel. It was all porn, or movies of Jackie Chun fighting."

"Why did he show those, anyway?"

"Who knows? The real question is, why did he have so many commercials about wigs?"

"—we get to stay up here." Juuhachigou's voice was wooden as she finished her brother's sentence.

"Hey, Krillin," The passing due waved at their shorter friend. They continued to walk a short distance, while Krillin and the cyborgs waited. Slowly, the two gave a double-take over their shoulders. Their expression was mostly made up of fear, and a little outrage.

Somehow, it was expressed through aggravation. "Well, I guess they're letting _everyone _into heaven now. There goes the neighborhood." Tien was always a brave man.

Yamcha began just screaming. "_Where's Freiza_? Or is he back at a bar, having a couple of _drinks _with Goku and Vegeta? Maybe they're all doing _karaoke_ together?"

"How the hell did you two get up here?"

They shrugged. "We saw Krillin naked."

"Oh. Alright." To his friends' credit, they were mystified instead of understanding. Then they gave Krillin the same look when he'd told them about looking into the glass ball. Tien and Yamcha turned around and continue walking in the opposite direction. After a few paces, unable to resist, the scarred man turned around.

"You know," he yelled at Juuhachigou from what he believed was a safe enough distance, "In the other timeline, you have a kid with Krillin right?"

It took both Krillin and her brother restraining her to keep her from attacking the well-built fighter, again. Her fellow android was grabbing her arms, laughing like this was any jolly good time, and Krillin was clutching the back of her jacket, trying to avoid touching her hair at all because that really, really would only make things worse for everyone. For someone who was now a regular human, she was still strong. Or maybe he just wasn't trying hard enough to restrain her, out of fear of ripping her clothes…His hand inches from the back of her neck and the hair even brighter under the ever shining sun. The _other_ Juuhachigou had enjoyed Krillin touching her hair, when he would curl a finger around a strand and stroke the back of her neck. Smile up at him.

Juuhachigou turned on her heel, and hissed at him like an animal to get his filthy hands off her. Immediately, his flapping hands left her back and pulled back from any proximity to her.

_She doesn't have her powers anymore. She doesn't have her powers anymore_. Still, still Krillin was waiting breathless for feeling to return to his limbs.

"Oh yeah," Tien was leading Yamcha away by the collar of his gi. His voice was laced with sarcasm; even his third eye was rolling. His parting shot, "This'll end well Krillin."

"We're only here," she said, tucking some of her hair behind her ear, trying to regain her calm. But her other hand was balled into a white-knuckled fist. "So we don't have to be stuck in Hell.

"It is literally this," she was yelling at the other fighters, "Or be stuck in some sweatsuited nightmare!"

"Please, everyone, just calm down." Even though Juuhachigou was the only one furious. "Come on; you guys have to find a way to redeem yourselves. Through good actions, and regretting your past."

"What did the other guy's do? We need a direct thing to do. Have us save a person about to kill themselves or something?"

"Yeah, push them from the bridge so they aren't technically committing suicide?"

Krillin stared at them. "No. Not at all. If you were even supposed to do that, you'd need to save them, show them how terrible the lives of those around them would be if they died. If that was what we had to do to redeem you."

"But we don't know that."

"Right, let's be logical. Plenty of people who kill themselves have to be screwed up."

"They can't all be saints."

Krillin wondered if it was unnatural or wrong to feel empathy for such a man as Gero. Hadn't he unleashed these two, only to be murdered himself by what he'd brought forth? "Let's just find keep walking. Maybe we'll find something."

He hoped desperately that Chiaotzu's bar was more than a pipe dream. How he would drink. Like a fish. Until he drowned on it and his liver gave out and he began hallucinating a world where he was happy and there were no androids anywhere. Only a blonde happy girl who laughed at his jokes, while their child colored in a book nearby.

Yamcha and Tien were probably gathering up everyone and telling them all about what craziness Krillin had gotten himself in now. Vegeta was probably cracking his knuckles and vowing to kill 'the shrimp' for this latest insanity, that this was a worse than him trying to start a Karaoke night, that this was the dumbest idea he'd ever possessed. Goku shaking his head, going 'boy' over and over again, even him not believing how far Krillin was willing to go in hopes of helping these two.

"You know," Juunanagou raised an eyebrow and looked at his sister. "You didn't seem all that angry that you and this shiny headed weirdo hooked up."

Juuhachigou looked horrified. "What are you _talking about?_"

"It's just," the dark twin shrugged. "You're not yelling or killing him."

"Well," she flipped her head coolly, apparently deciding to follow Juunanagou's lead and pretend Krillin wasn't in earshot. Or maybe they didn't care if he heard. Or act like she and her brother still were able to brutally slaughter him again. "I'm not married to him."

"Or carrying his child?" Juunanagou raised an eyebrow. "I hope."

"Shut up. I don't know what the hell's going on in that other timeline, maybe I hit my head or something, but I never married that shrimp."

"I saw a ring."

"I can make it so you never see anything ever again," Juuhachigou threatened. It was not directed to him yet, but still Krillin flinched. Then he did it again, after realizing that this only drew more attention to him. Her eyes were dead, missing nothing and not caring about anything. You had to wonder how it was possible that the exact replica of her could be so peaceful and loving and beautiful, and this one so terrible and frightening and beautiful.

It reminded the bald fighter of going to a beach, and then returning to it to find a beached whale, dying animal life and miles of spilled oil. It was still the same beach, sure, maybe even shaped the same, and maybe you could dig under the corpses to find the same sand, but otherwise there was no comparison.

They looked exactly the same, right down to the straight hair and shifting blue eyes that could darken or lighten depending on her mood and the background. But this woman never smiled at him. Maybe bared her teeth, but never smiled.

"Besides, she has much worse taste in clothes than me."

"What we need," Krillin said to himself, aloud, desperately, "Is to find people to save. To redeem you guys."

"Do we get to go back to Earth?"

"No."

"Well, then, how the hell are we going to do this?"

It was not unlike their counterparts and their own arguments. Oh sure, this was a _little_ about the challenge they were facing, but it was also really about their kid and the marriage overall. The huge flaws that were hidden beneath the surface and the built up resentment that came out over the small mistakes the other made.

She obviously thought their marriage was a mistake that never should have happened.

Juunanagou threw his hands up. Krillin nearly began running away and screaming for help. "Just send us to Hell or give us something to do."

"You know," Juuhachigou was looking around. "I bet Hell isn't that bad."

"You've never been there!" Krillin offered as a rebuttal. Talking to her, looking at her, trying not to tremble. This was the most important thing in his life anymore, that overshadowed training and passing the time with his friends. _Juuhachigou, do you think we can ever be friends?_

"Neither have you!" White sharp teeth and narrowed demon sky-blue eyes. "At least if I was there, I wouldn't have to be near _you_!"

She hated him, so completely and utterly it was disparaging. Why had he saved her? He_ couldn't_ save her. Juuhachigou had no regrets. All those people she'd murdered, she felt nothing towards. She had been stronger than them and therefore was allowed to kill them. Any thoughts in the direction of, say, maybe not killing people were either nonexistent or ignored.

This woman was as much a cyborg as her counterpart was, but that Juuhachigou was a very different woman. _That _Juuhachigou had empathy and something other than hate.

How could he have looked at Yemma's trusting face and promised to look after them, promised that they would be good, that they could be redeemed and good fighters that wouldn't hurt others? He had thought he'd been so smart, so good, so decent, so like Goku, but cunning in his plan to somehow turn them to the light side despite not having a plan whatsoever. But hope. Krillin'd had plenty of that. A dream in his heart. Like a scrappy protagonist from a book or movie, the underdog with a heart of gold. But he'd always sorta been that guy, and look where that had gotten him: no girlfriend, no family, and death. Thrice.

He wanted now, to just look at the crystal ball he still carried in his arms, just to watch himself in some form being happy. No matter how unhealthy it was, it was safe and sweet. All he wanted was to be away from these murderers, and just watch the daughter he'd never have learn to walk. Her parents would hold her hand, and coo at every step and laugh and distract her every time she fell.

And a brilliant idea popped into his head. "Hell!"

"What?"

He slammed his fist into the palm of his other hand. "We'll go to Hell and help the guards there!"

"…can I still kick Gero's head off?"


	4. And the shankings in the shower

**A/N:** I had the beginning of this written months ago. And the ending. But the middle. The middle just would not come no matter what.

I had to balance the action with the humor that this story is supposed to be focused on, and try to make the androids evil, only they can only be_ so_ terrible when they have no powers or abilities to act out their rage and murderous tendencies on. That, and the fact that nothing can ever be easy in Krillin's life. Even the afterlife.

Thanks for all the reviews, PMs, favoriting, story alerts that all reminded me to continue working on this story and chipping away until it was completed.

One more chapter to go.

_She's got me on my knees_  
><em>Begging' baby, baby please<em>  
><em>Don't hurt me no<em>  
><em>Don't hurt me so<em>

_As a gentle man_  
><em>I do everything I can to be<em>  
><em>A law-abiding kind of energy<em>  
><em>Yet stimulating all the while<em>  
><em>But when she comes around<em>  
><em>I don't know why<em>  
><em>I always go too fucking far<em>  
><em>And end up puking<em>  
><em>On the bathroom tile<em>  
><em>OH MY!<em>

Smokescreen, Flying Blind

* * *

><p>"So, can we all admit that Krillin has lost his mind?"<p>

"Oh, sure, no question."

"HOW COULD HE BRING THOSE _MACHINES _HERE—"

"Where is he, even? Did they kill him again?"

"Well, you know Krillin. He's often in over his head. A lot."

"-I'M GOING TO DESTROY _THOSE TIN CANS_—"

"But his heart's in the right place."

"Yeah. Krillin's a nice guy. No one can deny that. Especially now."

"-AND THEN BALDY'S NEXT!"

"Boy. Krillin's really determined to help those two, huh?"

"…I think Vegeta's having a stroke. Can you have one of those, after you're already dead?"

* * *

><p>They fell for an eternity. In his ears, under the sound of the rushing blood, Krillin could hear King Yemma asking, <em>"Do you really think this is a good idea?"<em>

It was literally impossible to scream. No more how much you wanted to.

"_Are you sure you don't want to bring along any of your friends?"_

Jagged black rocks stained with blood or rust pointed up towards him. If the obelisks from the upper world were teeth that needed a dentist, these needed just a strong man with a pair of pliers, they were so far gone.

The air would rush from his lungs, and there would be no pain, even as the blood rushed out of him to repaint the surroundings. He would hear the sound of it scraping on his spine. Then it would hit, as he squirmed and cried out, a bug on a pin. Eventually, he would die, either through severe shock and hemorrhaging, or if someone put him out of his misery. Here, he doubted there was much mercy to be found.

Juuhachigou and Juunanagou would point and laugh.

Krillin managed to get a lungful of air before he hit the pool of blood. Like icy glass, freezing him. Shouldn't blood be warm? This stuff was definitely not spaghetti sauce.

_Training. I told Goku this would be good training for me._

He looked up at the yellow and orange striped sky. Then he swam sluggishly, limbs already exhausted, to the side of the lake and pulled himself up.

A giant familiar looked orb rested on a collection of huge blue-black spikes. On the globe played a not-unfamiliar game that made him wonder what was playing back in the rec center back 'home.' The only home he would ever have, for all of eternity. An endless time spent training with his friends, repeating the same stories, trapped there. Alienation. Solipsism? He wanted to sit Juuhachigou down and talk to her. _The body is self, is the container your soul is kept in, and it will never age. This is what almost what my Master had lived with on Earth. This is how you lived? How?_ _Ten years._ Imagine it.

Look at her. See it.

Was it worth it? Wouldn't reincarnation be more kind? You are your soul, your body but how long can you live with that? Could you go insane, or was there something in being dead already that kept you from doing so? An attachment added to you that kept insanity at bay. People had been up there for years and years and years.

Were those stalactites or stalagmites?

He stood up, wrung blood from his clothes, and looked for his 'students.' His responsibility. Juunanagou was sitting nearby, dry, staring at the globe and yawning unselfconsciously. He had perfect teeth and a healthy pink tongue. His sister lay there, having not taken the fall with the same grace as her twin.

"Ow." Juuhachigou sounded surprised, staring up with no expression at the hideous sky.

"Whole lotta blue people here," Juunanagou said, helping his sister up when Krillin approached.

"What, did you go slaughter a few pigs with our backs turned?"

"Could go for some bacon," Juunanagou allowed, pointing at the bloody lake. "But he fell in there."

For once, she stared at him without hatred twisting her features. "Huh. It hasn't congealed. Any there aren't any clots. Looks fresh."

Krillin shuddered. "Let's go find the people in charge of this place." His clothes felt heavy, and the sounds they made with every step were indescribable.

Goku had even offered to come along for backup. '_Say, you sure you won't need help with those two?' _

'What, naw, it's fine with just us.' He hadn't wanted, hadn't wanted the Saiyan to _impede any progress _he might make with the two. He was the naivest man to ever live and die. Arrogant. No way, best friend of mine who's supremely strong and good with people. Having you along might sure, save my skin, but hey, you also might somehow stop me from having a magical dream where Juuhachigou somehow turns into a good, normal person who would make out with him while her brother mysteriously disappeared.

Krillin remembered flying down a grey sky that seemed to reflect the rest of the dying Earth. Seeing the smoke rising from miles away, the broke pipes leaking water and fallen power lines. The bodies that no longer looked like anything human. Remembered the hope dying on Bulma's face when he and Gohan had returned to tell her, to tell her…

Remembered the bodies of humans who he was sworn to protect, and whom he'd failed. The mass graves. How disease soon broke out in the underground living facilities that were still too crude for so many people. The fighting that broke out for water and food and space, how some had to be banished, exiled, to protect everyone else.

Yet, yet these two beings needed him for protection down here. He was here to try and help them. They were, at the moment, in this literal Hell, the closest things he had to allies.

Krillin looked at them.

"Say, that guy over there looks familiar."

"Oh, no. It's The Ginyu Squad. Don't look; don't make eye contact."

"Why are they, are they _dancing_? Why are they dancing?"

"Don't make eye contact."

"Goddamnit. We still don't have our powers. Not even here."

"Goddamnit. Just look at the ground, Juunanagou."

They all tried to breathe, and not make eye contact with any of the people passing by. Exactly the opposite of the other Other world where fighter would have contest to hold their breath the longest before passing out, and where these two androids would just dare non-verbally people to attack them. Ironically, people up there were too honorable to start fights with a pair that looked so delicate.

Down here, it was like prison rules. Krillin kept remembering movies and TV shows that featured jails. And the shankings in the shower. Plus in the prison yards, and the laundry rooms. Never show your back to anyone here.

The training he'd undergone had of course made him more powerful. He'd never been so strong, or in possession of so many esoteric techniques. But Freiza was done here, and Cell (who thankfully had been killed by Trunks before he could absorb the cyborgs), and probably more than a few Saiyans, and many others who could readily smash his bald head in gleefully against the jagged stalagmite (stalactite?). His only allies were two teenagers who didn't look like they could do more than twenty pushup between them.

Still, good for everyone that they didn't have their powers. Everyone. Remember, they were bloodthirsty fiends and-

"How come Gero still has a see-through head?"

"Damn."

"I'm going to—"

"No. You can't, Juunanagou. You literally can't. You'd break your foot."

"…can you go kick his head off?"

"No."

Dead tree in the distance appeared to be reaching upward, grasping. Oh, there was Freiza, getting talked down to literally by his father. Zarbon, hair still fabulously combed. Racoome waving candy bar over Guido's head and making him jump for it. Goz, a troll hellkeeper, whom Krillin had met briefly during one of Baba's poker games, waved to him, then looked very, very disappointed.

'It's not like that,' was all Krillin could mouth.

Because then Cell, green hideously speckled, jumped in front of them. He licked that beaky orange mouth, face oddly skeletal for someone for someone who maybe only had an exoskeleton. All things that Krillin noted as he tried to get his heart to keep working. "Why, hello there."

"And what are you supposed to be?"

"Your future."

Both androids went pale and took a synchronized step back. "What? Is that a joke?"

"Back off before we rip that tail off."

The whites of his eyes were a sickening pink that King Kai's description hadn't done justice. They'd all wiped their foreheads after hearing that Trunks had put such a dangerous creature down. With even Vegeta giving a tight smile after hearing what his son had done. "And I didn't think I'd ever have the chance to meet you two."

"Cell, these aren't the androids you're looking for."

"What?"

"They aren't androids, anymore. Just humans. No robotic parts to them. So you can't become perfect."

"…" That ugly slit of a mouth opened and closed, trying to absorb_ this_.

"Yeah, sorry. Not."

"I'm sorry, are we missing something?" Juunanagou demanded.

"What do you mean, he can't 'become perfect'? Are we supposed to be his plastic surgeons?"

"He's supposed to absorb you," Krillin explain.

"…absorb?"

They were examining Cell, truly trying to consider what such a vague term as 'absorb' could mean. Then the twins saw the tail twitched to his side like a plotting cat's tail might. "Oh."

"But he's not going to do that," Krillin continued. "Because that would do him no good and prove an empty gesture."

Cell's only response was to smile.

* * *

><p>Krillin had a feeling it would come to this. He's known, like his entire life had been a slick barrel to slide down to this point. Everything he'd done since looking into that crystal ball had caused the first domino to trembled, then fall over. The knowledge of this cleaved his chest apart, but didn't slow him down in the least.<p>

Instead, he shoved Juunanagou and told him to run faster. His sister hadn't needed any such instruction. If it came down to it, Juuhachigou would trip Krillin up and leave him behind as bait. They all knew it. Him, and possibly even her own twin if it meant she could get away.

Silence behind them.

He grabbed them, and pushed them behind a rock outcropping, before jumping behind them. "I think he's gone."

The other two were all flushed faces and dilated pupils. Nearly trembling, and looking behind them while simultaneously shoving themselves lower so as to not be seen and therefore dismantled and maybe tortured and maimed and such. "Fuck. This is horrible."

Neither of them had fully believed that they could be helpless. After so many years of crushing human beings like bugs, how could they be powerless? Forgotten completely about what Yemma had said, and how they'd even gotten to the Other World in the first place. Now they were trying to breathe silently, hair a mess, looking like any scared people. How humans back on Earth had hidden from _them_.

They had laughed at Cell, told him to 'bring it, you bug-faced creep.'

Only Krillin's quick intervention of swooping down to scoop them up had saved them from a downward stab of the creature's tail. Then he had to carry them, the twins throw over each shoulder, and scream for help while dodging the attempts at getting pinned. Memories of Freiza's horns, fear of others coming to join the green monster, ignoring the androids' screams for him to put them down and that she was wearing a skirt, you fucking perverted bald midget, oh god, you're getting blood all over us. And to stop groping them, which Krillin completely was not.

…Though, to be fair, it did get pretty hazy out there and he had been focused only on them not falling from him to Cell's grasp. The twins could only weakly kick and scratch and hiss, like less effectual cats. He'd seen a flash of blue from the corner of his eyes, maybe one of the ogres or a Ginyu Squad member, but either way it had distracted him.

The first blow had nearly brought unconsciousness. The hissing laughter confirmed that he was only toying with them for fun, that Cell belonged here most definitely, and that you could definitely feel pain in Hell.

Cell had indeed 'brought it'.

He'd nearly dropped the twins and told them to run, to get themselves to safety, all probably to their backs as they abandoned him immediately, but then some of the ogre helpers were coming over to wrestle Cell down. One of them had a baton, and it was not a pretty sight. The twins slipped off him, and they all watched the other android being beaten.

Then, together, the three wiped sweat and drying blood from their brows.

Krillin could almost have smiled, had he not known that it would have made the two besides him furious. He's saved them. Him. Okay, maybe the ogres had helped, but mostly him. The keepers would never have had the chance to save Juuhachigou and her brother if _he_ hadn't been there to initially help them.

"Huh."

Shrugging, saying in an understated badass way the androids had that could rub off quite easily; cool as a fool, the short man just went, "Whatdayaknow."

Juunanagou tightened his handkerchief. "That's pretty cool. Wouldn't mind getting one of those cattle prods."

Then they did an about face to come in contact with Gero. Only the insane scientist was happy to see them. In fact, he was probably the happiest person to have laid eyes on the twin androids. Despite them having turned on him, there was nearly an excited twinkle in those same dead blue eyes. Had he done that on purpose, giving them all the same eye color, so they would more closely resemble his children? You could really, really see his brain through the glass. Though you couldn't tell if his brain was the sickly green-blue of candy that Gohan was forbidden to eat on Earth as a child, or if it was just the glass. Did Juunanagou and Juuhachigou have the same thing, beneath the shiny heads of hair?

"Ah. But this is perfect! Now I can put my plan for the ultimate android into place."

Almost immediately, with a strange joining of wills and senses, they turned and began running. None could fight him, reasoning with a crazy man that had turned you and your brother already into androids years ago was obviously futile, and running was the best chance to see out the day. So to speak. Even Krillin understood this, despite never having even met Gero before.

And now, together, they all cowered. Like humanly scared animals, because that's exactly what they all were.

"Is he still there?"

"Dunno."

"God. This is your fault!" Juuhachigou suddenly hissed, turning to punch Krillin ineffectually in the chest. They both looked at her first, porcelain against his dark blue shirt.

"You done yet?"

"Goddamnit." She inhaled, eyes huge, furious. "Moron. I wish I could twist your head off."

"Oh, calm down." Krillin waved a hand in her face, thoughtlessly.

"You pathetic little shit. You filthy fucking human."

"Like you're any different. You're human, Juuhachigou! Just as human as I am. Even if you act like a sociopath. A _human_ sociopath."

"Knock it off, you two. I think I hear someone coming."

They all listened carefully.

"You know," Krillin whispered. "There's a woman here. This woman, named Enma. Who runs this torture system."

"So what?" Juuhachigou hissed back, trying not to raise her head to look at where Gero might be.

"I was hoping to take you two there."

"_What_?"

Running with heavily dampened clothes flapping behind them, clinging to his body. Probably smelling of a butcher shop. Closed his eyes and recalled the happier moments of his life such as the brief period of happiness with his ex-girlfriend, finding a family at Kame House even if it had been made up of Oolong, Roshi, occasionally Launch, and Goku and Bulma and Yamcha, being able to help fight those that had tried to kill the innocent throughout his life. All that would be destroyed if someone killed him again. Wiped from existence.

No more unhappiness or fear. No more anything.

"Then maybe you two will appreciate what you have now. Torture tends to make you feel better about your own situation. As long as you aren't the one being tortured. She's got a whole system, from what I've heard."

"So, this was less a training mission, than it was a fieldtrip."

"What's the difference?" His voice was despondent, even to his own ears.

"Aw. C'mon buddy." Juunanagou punched his shoulder, just like how the other fighters would when attempting to cheer him up. "We can go to the torture room. If it'll cheer you up."

Juuhachigou stared at them, eyes wide. "Had no idea the shrimp was into sado-masochism."

"Really?"

* * *

><p>He blacked out, partially in the bathroom for the first time that didn't involve a torn ankle that had allowed him only to make it to the restroom before becoming too much, or hiding from Vegeta for so long he'd fall asleep. Coming awake to polite knocking, and terrible paralyzing memories of literally icy eyes, soaking warm hands almost slipping away from him, of clinging black shirts and thin hair stuck to flushed cheeks. The blue eyes calm with a grim knowledge and the way they'd widened when he hadn't done exactly what they would have. There was a nice pair of boots facing the partition. Someone, someone with a small hand, knocked again politely at the door. Krillin cringed further back onto his seat.<p>

Only one person could be so smug and wore those shoes.

"So. The tour didn't go exactly how you expected. Okay, we were nearly drowned. You turned out to be the ticklish man in all of Hell, and broke the machine from the force of your laughter. Weird, but that's you-you should expect that by now.

"The utterly redundant sauna that was there to, I guess, boil the skin from our bones or something equally disgusting. Thank you, by the way, for not encouraging my brother by laughing at his joke about how the thing broken because he was too 'hot' for it. Ugh. And thanks for getting us out of there. And for the towels. Too bad you didn't get a bath, because you're still covered in that blood. You left a trail in here, for me to follow. Was that on purpose? Are you trying to be symbolic?

"Anyway. Good thing they let Juunanagou keep his gun. Or else we wouldn't have been shot us out of the ice.

"At least when Gero found us, we were able to turn that freezing machine onto him. That was quick thinking, for you. Funny too, to see him like that. Couldn't do a damn thing. Might have been nice to bring it along, as a souvenir. That kind of made this entire trip worth it, just to be able to taunt that old bastard.

"Ultimately, we survived. But we'd like to leave now. Do you hear me? Time to go.

"Hel-loooo?"

He pulled his knees to his chest, and wrapped his arms around them.

"Krillin. I know you're in there."

She tapped her foot a few times. "Why are you hiding in the bathroom?"

"Because."

"That's not much of an answer." She sounded almost playfully, stalking around the bathroom with the heels of her boots echoing on the tile. The android sighed like this was the most boring moment of her life. Which it wasn't. Since she no longer technically had a human mortal life anymore. So there.

"Get out here Krillin. I'm getting stares from coming in the men's room. Especially from the guy at the urinal here."

"Eeey, girly, where are you from?" The accent and voice overall was familiar. He saw red legs when he looked underneath the door.

"Get away from me!"

"Aw, fine, fine. 'Ave fun in here then. But the Boss is coming in pretty soon, and you might want to get your business done with before then." Then the Ginyu squad member strolled out, whistling.

"Gross. Just gross." Krillin could imagine her narrowing her eyes psychotically, fists bunched and white with anger. "And I can't even hurt him."

"I'm sorry."

"You're not. And I don't need any pity. Especially from _you."_

"Well. I don't like the guy either."

"Oh?" She sounded less pissed off. "So you'd be willing to kill him for me? Finally, an upside to having you hang around me."

"I'm not going to hurt _anyone_ on your behalf!"

"Really? So if I got attacked, you wouldn't help me? Because you did. With Cell. And Gero."

"Maybe I was just helping your brother. He has a much better attitude about things."

"Because he doesn't care about _anything_."

"Better than only caring about hurting people."

"Hey." She kicked the door. "At least I have a goal in mind. It's important to have a plan in place. Maybe you just want to sit there and soak in self-pity…or are you having another panic attack?"

They hadn't even helped anyone. Saved anyone. Learning any empathy or regret for the suffering they'd caused. Again, he was a failure. As usual. _Wonder what the other Krillin's doing right now. Enjoying being married to a wonderful woman who gave him a child, spending time on Earth with his still-alive friends. _

_Not having a huge regret hanging over his head, wondering whether or not his entire life was a worthless waste of time and energy that would continue on for eternity._

That guy had all the breaks, really. And hair. Awesome hair.

How come his own timeline was so horrible? Did they all deserve to have died at the hands of the androids? Shouldn't there be some sort of cosmic justice to their suffering? Besides being up here, and allowed to train more for endless fights that would even make Vegeta wary on long days, to drive the Saiyan Prince to sighing in the locker rooms along with everyone else. Only Goku loved it up here. All the time up here to become stronger, and no one to protect.

He switched his chin to rest on the other hand. Except for saving the androids from Cell. He'd managed to do that. And still had no clear idea how he was supposed to feel about such a gesture. Neither of the twins were exactly pleased, aside from Juunanagou's grin at finding his old Master trapped in ice and Juuhachigou wanting to go back home with him.

After apparently decided that he wasn't going to say anything, Juuhachigou continued, voice rising. "You should be glad I didn't like you or express any interest."

"Uh. Okay?"

"Any guy I liked, Juunanagou would kill immediately."

"I'm…sorry?"

"Hey, maybe that's why he killed you?" The blonde woman laughed to herself mostly. Only she really could take her sense of humor.

"What? Really?" His face burned. Clearly he had suffered some brain damage that also hearing damage. This was a hallucination brought on by a broken blood vessel. And not a good hallucination either. Really would have taken the disinterest than having her be into him in anyway. Ah, the final cherry on this entire horrible endeavor: he no longer wanted Juuhachigou to feel anything for him.

Better apathy than interest. Right? Remember how she looked being pulled out of that sauna, all flushed, scared. Looking like any innocent young woman, that vulnerable girl that might be beneath the murderer and robotic parts that the other Krillin had found. Had brought forth.

Did that guy just have something that he lacked? Some quality, or was it just luck? Or maybe that Juuhachigou was completely different, since she didn't seem to have killed everyone. A sweet-natured woman who could laugh and tease without hatred in her eyes, smile at things other than his suffering. He could have loved that woman. Or even thought of her without snakes curling in his stomach to twist with guilt and fear and anger, to admire her without shame and with actual appreciation than a dull fear that she might hurt someone (him), for looking at her. Or for not looking at her. To see her as a person whom he could converse with, share a bond and room with, for her to be his partner and other half.

If only 'his' own blonde cyborg was like that, someone sane and normal.

If only she weren't…Juuhachigou.

"Well. Not_ really_. He killed you because you were annoying, and trying to stop him from killing other humans. And that you were a human. In case you haven't noticed, we're not too crazy about those."

"Oh."

"But maybe he…okay, no. I'm evil and all that, but I'm not a liar. Much. _Often_."

"Juuhachigoouuu!"

"Stop it. People might here. They might think horrible things."

"Okay. Sure. Sure." Pure courage that dragged him out to the battlefield despite common sense pushed out the next words. She couldn't get back at him, after all. Really, what could she do? What _could she do_? Glare at him? She did that already? "But I think you and I both know the truth. Deny it all you want. If it makes you feel better."

Immediately, she was sputtering and smashing her fists against the door that had a lock the size of a stick of gum. He had to hold the door shut and try not to giggle at the same time. "Bastard! Don't you _laugh_."

"Hehehe, you know you like it. The sound of it brings joy rushing to your heart. That withered black heard grew three sizes right now."

"You are so lucky that I don't have my powers at this exact moment. But I will get you for this, shrimp."

"Aw. You have a nickname for me."

"Uuuugh. Ugh. Ughhgh."

"It's nice to feel so wanted."

"Ugh. I wish I had your head on a spiky pole."

They were connecting. Maybe. A little. He was smiling, and she was leaning against the door in disgusted tiredness. Almost touching. Krillin had never felt so familiar with her. Knowing all of her awful twists, the sound of her voice when it was sarcastic and when it was amused and when it was no longer time to joke around.

He still had no idea how the other him and the other Juuhachigou had gotten together, but maybe it had been something like this? God awful, and made Krillin rethink his stance on those two's marriage. Had that other Juuhachigou, who spent hours just trying to get her daughter to finally fall asleep, started off evil before becoming kind?

"How I wish I'd never met you," Juuhachigou whispered mostly to herself.

"_Me too_. Especially your brother. Since he was the one to murder me, and all. Where is he, anyway?"

"I got the worse end of the stick. Having to deal with some other version of me being crazy and tasteless enough to hook up with you. And Juunanagou's waiting outside, throwing stuff at the people in cages."

"He really shouldn't do that…And are you talking about the nice one? The good you?"

"The crazy one. Blind and crazy."

"Non-murderous sociopath. Looks better in jeans."

"Now, those are fighting words. Get out and face me like a man." She shook the door again, to no avail. Again.

"You sure about that?"

"You want to see what will happen, shrimp?"

"What, you gonna give me a swirly? Like you could!"

The playfulness was evaporating, and he could feel his blood pressure rising. How good, if sounding terrible, to just beat each other up and be too tired to fight anymore. If only she was a little stronger, enough just to make the fight less one-sided. Bash each other's brains in until they were at peace.

"I'll shove your entire head down the toilet until you drown!"

The sound of a being opening the door made the two fall silent. Someone wearing that white-gold armor entered the room-someone purple-legged—appeared to take one look at presumable the blonde woman yelling at someone through the partition, and then swiftly left.

Juuhachigou remained silent, even after his footsteps retreated.

Imagining punching and kicking each other into unconsciousness made him want to leave this sordid stall. Hopefulness running through his veins, reminding him that there were things worth leaving the bathroom for. And to see his friends again. Maybe to check in on that other Krillin, and make sure him and his own family were doing okay. Had to leave to do that. Time to leave.

That, and Jeice's warning made him reach for the lock.

"…Say. I bet Chaotzu has that bar he was talking about up and running."

"A bar?"

"Yep."

"You're telling me to go get drunk. With you. You are asking me for a drink."

"Um. I guess. Not, like, that way. You _know._ I just think we deserve a drink."

The tip of one delicate finger tapped the door several times. "For once in your life, shrimp, you may be right about something."

"I guess we should head back. Before more people realize we're here."

"Yep."

"Back home."

* * *

><p>Juunanagou was reaching out, tempting fate, trying to grab at a cloud. "Is this stuff solid?"<p>

The other two watched him, waiting patiently, if a little awkwardly among the neatly lined up souls. With their bodies, they felt slightly out of place. Krillin still felt guilty about how he and the androids had cut in line. "Wonder if the other androids were reincarnated?"

"Who?"

"The ones that didn't kill people, but didn't fight either?"

"Don't know."

"Just…makes you think about fate, and free will."

"What?" Blue eyes narrowed.

"Know there are some Red Ribbon Army guys. That looked human."

"What were you saying, about 'free will'?"

"It's just…I think there was a couple of androids, from the red ribbon insignia. But, well, if they were programmed and had to follow orders, does that mean that they weren't responsible."

She was doing this thin-lipped smile. "Do you think you're honestly being subtle?"

"Not really."

"We knew exactly what we were doing. We wanted to kill all those humans? How many were there, you think? Couple billion, maybe?"

"Yes, you're a murderer. That's all you are. I got it."

Juuhachigou was pursing her mouth, thinking something over. "That's not all we are. We had hobbies besides that. I enjoy fashion. My brother knows how to make a decent pot roast."

They watched, and then reached out to grab the back of her twin's t-shirt before he tumbled back down towards Hell. Juuhachigou stopped looking like she wanted to kill him, instead transferring her rage to the darker android. Ah, Juunanagou, always good to ease the tension with his reckless antics. Even if he complained about stretching out his favorite shirt.

Piccolo was waiting there to greet them at the front desk. Like they'd just gone on a simple vacation, rather than a trip literally down to Hell that had been compounded by the even more difficult getting onto the rickety plane that led out. Having to be crammed onto the seats meant only for one person, and that person was Gohan, when he'd been six. Trying his hardest not to exhale and bring himself even closer to Juuhachigou, who was looking at him like he was gum on her shoes that wouldn't come off. And had to pay for the privilege of wearing the candy-clued shoes in the first place. "I am shocked you are still alive."

"We…aren't."

"Still in possession of your bodies, then. Relatively unhurt. If covered in blood." His black eyes focused on Krillin's somewhat dented and soggy appearance.

"What could we have done? Not like we could even _fight_."

"You could've retained your abilities and parts. But that would have meant being in hell. As in, residing there."

A pair of mouths fell open. While Krillin's own was pressed into an unhappy line. "No one mentioned that. At all."

"Albeit, you would have had guards watching you."

"Better than Krillin."

Juunanagou turned to King Yemma. "I definitely am going to need a cattle prod."

"Don't give him one." Both Juuhachigou and Krillin recommended.

"Especially after listening to these two flirt the entire trip. It was just awful. But we're back," the dark-haired android said, ignoring the looks that Krillin and Juuhachigou gave him. And the disturbed looks Yemma and Piccolo exchanged.

"I think_ I'm_ going to need the cattle prod now."


	5. It's To You I'm Condemned

Strangled By a Halo 5

_Love, peace and harmony. _

_Love, peace and harmony. _

_Mm, very nice, very nice, very nice._

_Maybe in the next world? _

Panic, Kitten

**A/N: Because reincarnation might be scarier than the Otherworld.**

**Also, this story took way too long to finish...so thanks for sticking with and reading it, and thanks for the reviews that reminded me to complete this thing.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>"That would involve paperwork filled in duplicates. Triplicates."<p>

"We have to know."

"It's really the whole thing that started this mess."

Leaning against the legs of the huge desk, they both reeked of homemade fruit fermented alcohol made in the rec center sure that was sure to be banned as soon as someone squealed and told one of the Kais about it. And when that Kai showed up for a taste and started a party and a fight, a higher ranked Kai would be sent to sort things out, and the alcohol ban would be enforced all over again.

This told to Juuhachigou, who, drunk and disheveled, had spent those uncounted hours sitting beside him on the pool table, staring at him with confusion. Searching, searching. Lost. 'Why you, why would I ever sleep with you? I mean sure, you have muscles. But the shortness. The baldness. No, even with hair…still not my type.'

'Dunno. Have to ask those two. Why would I want to have a _kid and marry you_?'

'Ask them. Hah.'

'No, no, let's! Let's totally go ask them!'

'We have to. I'm going to get another glass of this crappy wine. Then we'll leave.' She was nearly reeling on her feet, clinging to the tables and chairs, getting looks from eyes that eventually turned to stare at Krillin_. Yeah_, he nodded back slowly, _she's with me._

_May the Gods have mercy. For once._

"You have to let us talk to them."

"_Have_ to? I_ have_ to."

"I'll keep an eye on her and anything, _everything_."

She did her hair-flip-move. "All we want is to find a way to talk to those two. How much damage could possibly be done?"

Krillin stared up, widening his eyes. "Please, please. Let us talk to them."

It was funny how King Yemma and Juuhachigou didn't get along at all, plainly distrusted one another. Yet they seemed to trust Krillin well enough, even though it was his ideas and plans that backfired.

The two fighters were training, and nothing was necessarily odd about that. Until Juuhachigou overthrew a punch, and ended up falling into Krillin. She laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I thought you wanted to train?" His words were muffled by her mouth darting close to cover his own lips.

Pulling away only to tell him, "This is better."

Krillin and Juuhachigou physically recoiled at the sight.

He didn't know about her, but personally his own vision was going dim, like he might faint. It had been a while since he'd checked up on them, and his immunity to the sight had wavered, apparently. Himself kissing the blood-thirsty android that was incapable of humility and still did not pity or feel any guilt for what she'd done. How could this other Krillin enjoy being so close to this murderess?

Juuhachigou simply looked ill.

What to say to them? Um. Hey. Other me. Other her. How've you been? Liking death? So, how did you two get together—I mean, how come Juuhachigou, this Juuhachigou, isn't a murderer?

It seemed so nice to be stuck up here with someone you loved. _Loved _loved. Not like him and the others. In a non-friendship way. The way they groped at each other made him miss someone he didn't know. All affectionate, Juuhachigou careful not to kill him. He looked okay with hair, this other version of him. And with that grin, and a pretty girl on his arm.

"Ahem."

Now it was their turn to jump and recoil. Nice to be the one not freaked out by what alternative versions of themselves did. "Who-_what_—"

"We're from a different timeline." Was the curt answer that didn't really answer much of anything.

Juuhachigou, the good one, was eying the other's denim skirt and vest. It didn't seem to bring back any good memories. That's why she was so awesome, because she wouldn't be caught dead in something with Red Ribbon on it. "What timeline exactly are you from?"

"The one where she's evil." Krillin explained.

Their alternative selves took a wary step back. Even in that, they were in sync.

The other Krillin broke the silence first. He stared upward, scratching at his sweaty hair. "Okay…so what exactly are you doing here?"

"What we wanted was to talk to you."

"Oh. _Oh_." Krillin sincerely hoped he'd never actually done with this other guy was doing, and wiggling his eyebrows meaningfully. Juuhachigou's amusement didn't really make him feel any better. She_ did_ laugh at him, that lucky bastard.

'His' (by the loosest definition) Juuhachigou was glaring at him. Then at her other self with real disgust that she served usually for humans only.

"Don't worry." The other Krillin patted him on the back. "You'll win her over soon enough."

Krillin's nervous laughter made the two Juuhachigou's who were glaring at one another finally break their gaze.

"Thanks. But no."

"No? Really, you sure?"

"She's not…well."

"Nice?"

"Exactly."

So strange to see himself nodding, and yet not feel the sensation. Was basically looking into a mirror. They had the exact faces, and expression. The only difference was the hair. Like having a brother. Or a… twin. "I'm sorry man."

This android knew when to get to the point, just as the evil one did. "So, you two want to know how we ended up getting married?"

Krillin rubbed the back of his head, as though the answers could be found by yanking at the tangles in the windblown black mop. "Why we got together?"

Juuhachigou looked amused, with a smile and a playful expression. "Hmm, not really sure?"

"Maybe the hair?"

"Maybe. Why did I marry you?"

"I dunno? Begging?"

"Some of that, some of that," she conceded, rubbing her chin in a move she definitely had learned from her husband. "Guess you just have a strange magnetism to you."

He puffed out his chest, a gesture Krillin knew he'd do before actually seeing it. And it would go back down…there it went. "Wait. So just weirdly attracted to me? Not because you like me?"

"I guess that weird attraction made me like your other attributes." Her voice was bland.

"Like the shortness."

"That has other nice factors to it, though."

Krillin's mind investigated the corners to that statement, before recoiling in disgust at the possibilities.

"You can't even tell us why you got married?"

"You wouldn't understand." The good Juuhachigou looked like she was restraining herself from saying more. The other Krillin's look of sympathy was for his wife, not for the guy who was stuck with her in the afterlife.

"I guess we'll head back." He let his shoulders tug inward. "Maybe go and get drunk again at the bar."

Do what Goku would do, and take the supposed never-ending-supply as a challenge. Only instead of dumplings, it would be bottles of gin. And they would win, just like Krillin's best friend had done to the ice cream demon, and the gingerbread contest and had beaten that cocky horned guard with his huge blueberry pie and the claim that it was impossible to finish.

Bring it on.

"You guy's got a bar?" they asked, outraged. For the first time, Juuhachigou and Krillin almost smiled.

* * *

><p>"Juuhachigou?"<p>

"What is it?" The syllables were all expressed in an exhale.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Something else. Important."

"I don't want to marry you and bear your young."

"No, no it's not that. Believe me, I'm not asking that."

She glared at him with all the energy she could muster.

"What I wanted to ask is, would you be interested in reincarnation?"

"What?"

"Starting all over again. From birth. Somewhere. With no memory of your earlier life."

"Would I get kidnapped by Gero, again?"

"No, I—wait, what? Gero kidnapped you?"

Her eyes were flat with hostility. "How do you think we were turned into androids? You think we signed up for that?"

"…maybe? I'm sor-"

"I don't want to hear it. Like I _need_ your sympathy."

"You don't get my sympathy! Monster!"

"Pathetic weakling!"

"I'm glad you died!"

"I'm glad _you_ died!"

One of the souls turned around with a twitch of a puffy simile of a tail. "Just get a divorce already. You're already dead, what does it matter!"

Krillin had to keep Juuhachigou from hurting the cloud, and then they both had to fight to keep from falling off the narrow road and falling right back down to Hell.

* * *

><p>He came to, nearly screaming, sweat running down his forehead. Terrible. Just terrible.<p>

In the cot next to him, a pale blonde girl rolled over sleepily to glare at him. "Did you have another bad dream?"

"Yeah."

"About me and my brother?" Juuhachigou sounded vaguely interested. On the other cot, Juunanagou slept with his legs akimbo, snoring peacefully. His scarf bright even in the dark room. The other fighters, further off, were too busy sleeping off their own soreness to awaken.

"Nope," he lied.

"You're lucky. My nightmares usually involve you growing a mustache, so…"

Krillin sat up just enough to direct his glare onto her back. "That's not that bad."

"Maybe if you don't have to see it."

"Going to go for that reincarnation, I swear. No more of dealing with you." Hard, though, terrifyingly hard to imagine a life with her. What would he do without his blonde angry shadow that followed him around to complain about having to spend an eternity here, with 'Goku and those other morons'? And could he deal without the pupil that constantly badgered him with learning another ki move that might allow her to cut Vegeta's head off? Who would pull the ball away at the last moment during the flag football games? Or tackle him, during the soccer matches with the intent to hamstring him, to giggles and whistles as the other fighters crowded around to watch?

His almost-sometimes-maybe-friend that he hated to the very core being of him and the only women he'd ever wanted to literally murder.

But at least they could sometimes make each other laugh, Yamcha had told him. Trying to make Krillin feel better, he realized later. Like he felt bad about not having the full romantic attentions of Juuhachigou, who would always been an unrepentant murder that felt nothing for her victims, even now. Who was not the sweet Juuhachigou that he'd last seen watching Marron play with Turtle, before Baba had wretched the crystal ball from his sweaty hands.

'Take her back!' he'd once screamed at King Yemma. No need to say a name.

King Yemme had only shaken a giant red head. 'Oh no, you signed off for her. Now you have to deal with it.'

Left without her power, she was basically harmless. Uncaring and dead inside, but unable to act out on such feelings. She was more robotic than ever, even if she no longer had any commands to follow. Perhaps in time Krillin would come to pity her.

"Yeah. Sure."

"I mean it."

She yawned. "You're too cowardly."

"I will."

"See you on the other side then," she laughed and rolled over. Did that mean if he was reincarnated, she'd do the same? Then she added over her shoulder, "I'll do my best to kill you in that life too."

"Even then, you won't be able to."

"We'll see."

"Yeah. Just go back to sleep. Have to get ready for the Other World airport to meet for the Otherworld Tournament."

"Fun."

"To watch you lose more? Yes it will be."

"We'll see, little man." The dark promise in her voice. Staring at him with those bright eyes that more than once he wanted once to cover with a blindfold. But that would have only made gossip about them get even worse, and the stares at the mess hall were becoming overbearing. How Chaotzu had cut him off after one beer, because Vegeta of all people had told him that people couldn't control themselves when they had too much. Not saying a single word to Yamcha and Juunanagou, who would get drunk and scream at each other with this really disturbing tension that made still-deep-down-sensitive Gohan go pale. Plus, when Juuhachigou was loaded, she tended to just hurl insults at everyone until she'd break a pool cue over Vegeta's head because he was totally not a better blonde than her…and then Krillin would have to step in and hide her in a utility closet that did not help with people's knowing looks and grins.

But either way, there was no sexual tension. On his side anyway, since okay, occasionally the woman would say some pretty disturbing stuff when liquored up, when they were crammed into that closet, that had him leaning away from her and trying to ignore her leers about him finally 'giving in' to…whatever the hell charms she supposedly had. That she was still a woman, regardless of whatever Gero had installed, a woman with _needs and wants_. That, goddamnit, he was a man and there were worse freakish cowards out there than even him, and she'd never quite hated anyone the way she did him, and would he just, just—they were dead anyway, and she was forced to live as a human, and it was boring up here! Rants that ended with Krillin saying, 'that's nice, Juuhachigou,' and petting her head did nothing to make her more normal. Grabbing his collar and pulling him even closer, 'You creepy little bastard human!' and then Goku or someone else would open the door to find them like that.

'Aw. You two…we need those cleaning supplies. Don't use them all up.' Or Goku going 'Hm. That's what me and Chi-Chi used to do. Huh. Can you have babies up here?…Can an _android _have babies?' Until she was throwing bleach in his eyes. Always, always blaming Krillin ultimately, for the things other people would imply about them. Walking away in huff, while he tried not to look at any length of leg or how great it was to watch her leave for so many reasons, such as the pretty twitch of her angry movements beneath that skirt.

And then he would think, with an almost longing, 'if only, if only she weren't_ her_.'

Really, what would his life be like without her? Remember, when she wasn't up here, with her still-odd brother that could at least cook. Remember trying to bring her up here? This was most definitely not how they'd planned any of their (after) lives to end up.

Krillin lay flat, unmoving, on his tiny cot. At least he didn't spend his days looking into a crystal ball, wondering, 'what if?' Now he had to get up to watch Juuhachigou and make sure she didn't find some way to hurt anyone else. To see if one day she might actually smile without scorn and let go of her hatred.

…Reincarnation was looking better and better. He looked at the black sky hovering above them both. _Well, it'll be something. _


End file.
